The Fatal Addiction

It seems that I’ve been caught up in the fatal addiction again. Booze has seemed to numb my problems again. Fuck. It numbs nothing. My roommate is gone for the night, hence the binge. WTF! When will I conquer this?? From a dark hole, I hope everyone has a good sober weekend.

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Weekend #1

So I’ve basically made it through the weekend without a drink. I’m glad I did.

Recently I moved in with a buddy of mine. On Monday I talked to him about my loss of self control and asked for his help. He laughed and said he would gladly be “that” guy. Meaning if he finds any booze he will not ask questions or talk to me about it, he will just empty it down the drain. I was/am glad to know that. It is going to help me knowing that he will take action. It’s what has to be done for the time being. I don’t know if I will ever have control over this beast. I know the odd cravings will cease with time.

I hope everyone has had a good weekend. Here’s to a good week ahead. Remember, we are all worth it!

The Black Alcohole

I knew when I started drinking again that nothing good would come of it. It was only a six pack of beer on the weekend. Then it was two. Then it was four. Then it was “sneaking” some liquor my roommate had; because the beer wasn’t working fast enough. I realize that I no longer have control, that I never had control. I’ve made the choice to cease drinking for the foreseeable future. I’ve been doing good eating right and losing weight. It seems pointless to throw that away with alcohol. The one thing I forgot, was that I was worth it. I used that phrase multiple times to hopefully encourage other people on their journey. I had forgot that simple truth, and started to seek my self worth through the bottle. Here’s to another sober journey, which I’m looking forward to. Hope everyone has been doing ok lately. Have a good day all! Remember, we are all worth it!

Life, and Life before ads.

I’ve been watching Life.Church messages on Youtube for the past week or so. It has been great for me. I really enjoy Craig’s delivery. All is well or seems to be in life and I’m fine with that. I’m in a good place right now.

Topic #2. Anyone remember when you could spend hours on the internet without having to close an ad every 30 seconds? I vaguely do, and I miss it. Oh well, first world problems.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Remember, you are worth it!

Hold Back the Day

Fun fact, devil drivers are the bells that witches use to dispel demons before they cast spells etc. Maybe this song will dispel some of your demons.

Hold Back The Day

[Verse]
Dig deep
Dig in deeper
You go where only fools
Fear to tread
You’ll find devices to kill your master
Why not kill your maker instead
Leave it to the ones that own you
Leave it to those ones to disown you
Put faith & trust in the dusk
Do what you must do

[PreChorus]
I’m getting edgy for those departed
Left all alone left still forgotten!!!!

[Chorus]
Miles to go and
Sky’s to fly
Hold back the day
Miles to go and
Sky’s to fly
It’s darkest before the Dawn

[Verse]
Claw hard now
From your casket
Six feet and getting deeper
Should the top, soil feel Heavy
It must be getting weaker
Towers people build, up in life
Become frail & fall to the ground
Fuck them
There opinion
Deceiving
The Honest Man!!!!!!!!

[PreChorus]

Always, always, darkest before the dawn….

[Chorus]

You are worth it.

I use this phrase a lot when I comment on posts about sobriety and life changing events. It is not something I use lightly. I truly believe that it is true. You. Are. Worth. It. How many lives would have/could have been changed by those four words. So regardless of my demons and battles that I have daily, I try to remember that, and tell others as well. It is not a catch all for me, it is a be all. You are worth it. Whatever it is, if it’s improving or adding to your life, you are worth it. It’s worth the struggle, the doubt, the heartache, the ridicule, the success, the happy, the disappointment, the living of life, existence, the mundane, the anger, the sadness, the regret. But most importantly, the happy, the accomplishments, the success, the iron will, the fuck it. Everything else can go away. Don’t give up on you or your life. It’s always darkest before the dawn. Sometimes the dawn is far away, but it always shows. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Remember, you are worth it!

Forward

Looks like I will not be moving forward in my career just yet. Although growing to despise my job at this moment, moving into a management position at the current open location would not be beneficial. I’m hoping that getting moved into a new place at the end of August will help with some of these “problems” I seem to be having. I’m wondering more and more if it’s not the alcohol, and I know that answer. But at this moment I refuse to accept it. Thankfully I’m not drinking every day again, but the thought consumes me almost constantly. Hoping for a good weekend. I might make it out to see my nephew this weekend, which is almost always a good time. I’m just really exhausted at this point. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Remember, you are worth it!