Forward

Looks like I will not be moving forward in my career just yet. Although growing to despise my job at this moment, moving into a management position at the current open location would not be beneficial. I’m hoping that getting moved into a new place at the end of August will help with some of these “problems” I seem to be having. I’m wondering more and more if it’s not the alcohol, and I know that answer. But at this moment I refuse to accept it. Thankfully I’m not drinking every day again, but the thought consumes me almost constantly. Hoping for a good weekend. I might make it out to see my nephew this weekend, which is almost always a good time. I’m just really exhausted at this point. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Remember, you are worth it!

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Random

So I’ve fallen in my pursuit to be tobacco free. Temptation got the best of me. But other things were starting to slip. I’ve gained back most of the weight that I lost. In turn, that has increased my physical pain which we all know is not good. It’s been a real struggle to stay sober as well. I’m trying to keep my mind and hands busy. The place I think I messed up in being sober is only setting the mark for a year. After the year passed it was like ok, I can drink again. I haven’t been down that road yet and I hope not to. So that is my advice for everyone in the sober-sphere with me. Set the goal for a lifetime if you haven’t yet. Maybe it will make it easier long term, maybe it won’t. But regardless of what has been going on, I’ve been in a very good mood lately. I bought some snacks and a dish set with the minions from Despicable Me on it for my nephew, looking forward to giving that to him. He is a big part of the joy that I experience in life now. Which is awesome. Hope everyone has a good week! Looking forward to what will be posted this week.

Friday

I’ve been sober for 1 year today. I finally did it. Being sober at first seemed like such a monumental challenge. Especially when I decided that I had to make it at least a year. After some time though it became more of an endurance race than anything.

Funny fact. Sometimes I like to do things in spite of people. Especially when it’s something good, like being sober. I’ve lost count of how many people doubted that I could be/stay sober, and thought I was stupid for being sober. But, notice I said people, not friends or family or any one important. My FRIENDS support me, my FAMILY supports me. Hell, my old bartender that I would visit on business trips supports me. It’s the people that really wanted to support me that I kept around. All the other non supportive people got a spoken or unspoken, **** you. Being sober can suck. Being sober with supportive people still sucks, but just a little bit less.

My advice for anyone that is sober or considering the sober lifestyle is this, find your support and keep it close. Nothing else matters. You are worth it. You deserve sobriety, every single mundane minute of it.

Before I jump off my soap box I would like to thank the following on WordPress for their support and awesome blogs that I look forward to everyday. Thank you www.markgoodson.com, nowineimfine.wordpress.com, nomore41017.wordpress.com.

Wednesday

I celebrated my 31st birthday yesterday, and I was sober! Looking forward to the 25th of May, seeing as how that will mark a year sober for me. I am glad that I made the change and even though it has been difficult I would not trade it for anything. Hope everyone is doing good out there! Look forward to reading some new stuff soon. Have a great evening!

Hoping for a better day…

It feels like the last two days have been an eternity. Happy, sad, angry, depressed, apathetic, feeling judged, passing judgement, feeling betrayed, longing to betray. I’m tired of it all. Tired of being sober, tired of no tobacco, tired of my job, just tired. I know that drinking and dipping will help nothing, but I just want an escape. I have realized that there are only a few people that will truly support me when working to change myself. The ones that only support one version of me will be washed out of my life. I don’t need that extra weight dragging me down. Looking forward to a better day. Hope all is well with everyone. Have a good day.

Class is in!

Finally made it to Arkansas to sit in on a class for work. It will run from Tuesday to Thursday, happy times! I’m sure I will learn something this week, I have to lol.

The hotel they put us in has a bar, which I used to close down every night when on work trips. The bar closes at 10 pm so it wasn’t ever that late. A couple months ago I was here on another class. The bartender was more than ready to slide a drink down my way. I told him I was sober and he almost fainted. Knowing how much I drank before he made it his personal mission to help keep me sober while I am here. I believe he said, “Man, you sober now?! That’s good man. You ain’t having shit to drink while I work here. You ain’t screwing this up on my watch.” I found it very refreshing that he was so willing to help me. It’s strange how some guy I barely know ends up being more supportive than some of my “closest” friends. I guess that’s how it works. Maybe humanity is just searching for good and when it’s found, some do everything they can to push it forward.

Hope everyone has a good night and week ahead. Keep up the good fight, which ever it may be.

Rain, rain, go away.

It’s raining again. It’s been raining all week. Oh well, we will be begging for it in a couple months when it’s super hot outside. Gotta love Oklahoma! Day number 5 no dip. It has been interesting to say the least. I can’t remember if I was always this hostile feeling or if it’s just an unwanted side effect. I found some tobacco free snuff a couple days ago so that is helping. Under a month until I’ve been alcohol sober for a year. Never thought that would happen but I’m glad it has. Last thought for the night. I think it is great when people seek and find help. Be it in a marriage, anger management, addiction, whatever. It just really sucks when people feel the need to police someone else’s life. You live your life, let them live theirs.

I reference Matthew 7:4-5; Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

I do my best to examine myself before I judge, so don’t judge me! Haha, well. I hope everyone has a good night. Don’t be afraid of the Bible reference. No Bible basher here, it just helps me through tough times.